Avoiding negative things that can provoke a couple to anger in a marriage or household is indeed necessary, such as infidelity, possessiveness, suspicion and others.
However, besides avoiding negative things, to strengthen the love relationship, you also need to focus on positive actions.
Quoted from several psychologists about marital problems, here are the positive things you can do with your husband/wife to maintain harmonious relationships in marriage:
Psychologist Tips for Maintaining Relationships in the Marriage
“Thanking your partner helps us to remember and pay attention to the positive things of our partners.” – Sara Algoe, University of Carolina psychologist at Chapel Hill
“A thank you note that is focused on a partner, will make him feel more proud of himself, and our relationship with the partner will be even stronger.” – Fredrickson, psychologist and author of the book
It doesn’t seem special, but expressing your appreciation for your partner has the effect of a ‘booster’, that is, injecting positive emotions into your relationship.
Then how to express it …
Focus on the partner, not the object
Barbara Fredrickson, psychologist and author of Positivity states that expressions of gratitude will be more effective if focused on your partner, for example by saying,
“You are indeed an outstanding cook; You are so attentive, cook this food for me.”
Avoid focusing your gratitude on the object, as in the sentence,
“Wow, thank you for the dinner; I was really starving.”
Don’t Forget to Joke
“Bring humor and jokes to your relationship, through light jokes, or give each other a funny affectionate call.” – Dacher Keltner, author of the book Born to Be Good
A routine life filled with work, paying bills, cleaning up the house, caring for children, and so on, will make us tend to forget to joke.
Many people think that communicating seriously is the right way to overcome problems with a partner.
But in his research, Keltner actually found that couples who can maintain their sense of humor in an atmosphere of conflict are actually better able to find peaceful solutions, and after that, they will feel a closer relationship.
Of course, words to tease each other should not be hurtful and should be spoken in a positive way, not with hostility.
Use nonverbal signals that can convince your partner that you are joking, like facial expressions or funny tones.
You may want to read: Marriage Quotes
“Even if you stop paying attention to your partner, it doesn’t mean that he stops changing and developing,” – Ellen Langer, a psychologist at Harvard University
“You don’t feel the change in your partner because you already have a picture of him recorded in your mind.” – Ellen Langer
Because we are accustomed to being together in our daily lives, especially in long-married couples, we no longer pay attention to our partners.
So, take the time to quietly pay attention to changes in your partner, mark the difference that you have seen since the last time you noticed it.
It may be that the difference is only in the way he ties his tie, the choice of his shirt color, or the change in outlook towards career women and politics.
These changes can be wonderful surprises that make you happy, as well as cementing your relationship.
Build Positive Imagination
“Couples who rate their partners positively also consider their partners to be better than reality.” – research by Paul Miller, Sylvia Niehuis, and Ted Huston at the University of Texas, Austin
For you, admiring and exaggerating your partner’s positive qualities may be an unrealistic attitude.
But in reality, couples who idolize each other are happier than those who don’t.
So, maybe it’s good to concentrate more on the good side of your partner.
Who knows, seeing him through a soft lens that is not too focused can give a more beautiful image about your partner.
“The form of support shown openly becomes a burden for your partner because he feels obliged to reciprocate in appreciation of your support.” – Niall Bolger, psychologist from Columbia University
“This extra burden could actually make it more stressful!” – Niall Bolger
False, if you think that you should always show explicit support for your partner, for example by cooking his favorite food or massaging his back when he is tired.
So, instead of showing excessive attitudes, try to find a more subtle way.
For example, by filling the refrigerator at home with his favorite foods and drinks, or tidy up the messy living room.
Take “Dating” Time
“Couples who are always looking for ways to enhance the positive side of their relationship, for example by sharing pleasant and valuable experiences, or creating ways that can strengthen relationships and intimacy, usually feel happier than couples who only focus on efforts to avoid conflict . ” – Emily Impett, researcher at UC Berkeley
When married and busy taking care of children, we often forget to spend time alone together.
In fact, we also need time to “date” with a partner.
“Dating” with your partner is one way you can try to strengthen your relationship with your partner again.
Pay Attention to Yourself
“If you are going through a difficult time in marriage, often, the most effective way to deal with it is to move your attention away from that relationship.” – Susan Biali, author of Your Prescription for Life
“Forget the bad things your partner did and focus on positive actions for your own life. Pay attention to your needs and make your life more satisfying. “- Susan Biali
“Because you feel happier, you will come back with a more positive attitude towards your relationship and your partner. Your partner will treat you differently, without you having to do anything but transfer the positive energy from yourself into your relationship. ”- Susan Biali
If there is a tip that says that the best way to maintain your marriage is to focus on your partner, the reality is not so.
Paying attention to your own life and happiness can actually have a positive impact on your relationship.
According to Biali, this strategy is best used to turn marriages full of contention into marriages full of happiness.
True Stories of Married Couples
Togetherness Like a Backpacker (Windy)
“Our ‘excitement’ planned the places we would visit, taking pictures in interesting places, also the confusion of reading maps and looking for places to eat, making us forget about the weight of our backpacks on our backs, while eliminating the fatigue of riding a bus for 2 x 12 hours.”
“This trip also strengthened our togetherness because for 10 days we were really just two people, far from relatives and people we knew.”
“We are interdependent, complement each other, and help each other find solutions.”
“This trip, backpacker style with my beloved husband, is far more memorable than a direct trip from Jakarta to Bangkok.”
“My husband and I named this our entertainment, The journey of love …”
Romantic Dinner together (Yuli)
“Dinner together is one way to keep our relationship romantic and harmonious.”
“Usually we do dinner together while celebrating a wedding anniversary, our children are left in the house of Grandma and Grandma’s kung.”
“We chose a place that was romantic and that we had never visited before.”
“During the dinner we filled it up by chatting. The impression was indeed normal, but for us, it was extraordinary! Why? Because we rarely could talk together, without the distractions of children.”
“Actually, it’s not just dinner together. Whatever the activities are, if done together, even though there are children, you can maintain harmony between husband and wife too!”
“Sometimes we go to the traditional market together, or cook together. It’s fun too!”
Thus tips on maintaining a harmonious relationship in the household quoted from various psychologist sources.
Hope it is useful for those of you who are married or who are just about to get married.